Coming to you
above the Atlantic Ocean, this vacation has been a rollercoaster ride of
emotions for me. I’m not sure if it’s all this time without smoking pot or just
myself going a little crazy. I sometimes ask myself if I am in fact crazy or if
there are other people who have the same inner struggles as I do. You see, I’m
not one to express my emotions sure ill get mad and say something’s I really
don’t mean but do I really express how I feel? Never. I was separated from my
group because we literally boarded the plane at the last minute. I feel like
this is the first time I’ve been away from them even though we’re all on the
same flight. Southwest airlines has a very weird system; They don’t assign
seats so its basically first come first serve which to me is like all the
animals being let out of their cages at the zoo and headed for the exit. I have
my eyes on one of the flight attendants he’s pretty hot! If this plane were a
little bigger I would love for him to join me in the restroom (wink wink).
I’m extremely
bedsick, I miss my big comfy bed. I miss my friends and shockingly enough I
miss my father and brother. My
brother Nikolas is furious that we left on this trip without him but there was
no way that pain in the ass was going to ruin my first vacation in about five
years.
I’m sitting on a
window seat although I’m terrified to look outside. I believe I can see Cuba to
my left but I’m not quite sure it could be the Dominican Republic, or Haiti.
I really just
want to make it to Miami already, because I know that when I get there Ricky
will be waiting for us with a blunt or two rolled and happy thoughts. Ricky is
such a happy person, I don’t know if it’s all a front like mine but it’s
refreshing to have a friend who’s literally happy almost all the time.
As I take a look
around I cant help but notice all the different kinds of people surrounding me.
There are two young ladies sitting next to me both dressed as if they’re ready
to party it up in Miami. Next to them two gay men one is resting his head on his
partners shoulder. In front of me is the woman who was about to get slapped by
me at the TSA line she was so annoying asking everyone around her to complain
about the slow service. She was correct though the TSA people at San Juan
Airport are slower than a turtle without legs. One of the agents was kind
enough to ask his superior if he could open his section up to speed up the
process but nothing happened. I did notice through the glass doors that he was
literally looking at the line laughing. Whoever you are I hope someone sticks
laxatives in your coffee before getting on a plane, jackass.
Now lets rewind a
little, I keep on glancing over at the gay couple and all I can think to myself
is how much I want what they have. I want to rest my head on my partner’s
shoulders or have him rest his head on mine. I want a big love like the movies,
I want a dramatic love story but this isn’t a movie this is reality and in
reality I’m single as fuck.
Sometimes I try to picture how my life is going to end up in twenty
years. Will I find my big love or will I be a single hag with two thousand
cats? Another glance over at the couple I keep admiring. The one who was
resting his head now changed positions to wrap his arm around his big love. I
know I’m still young I have years to find happiness but who can really hear
that without thinking when? When is all of this going to take place? When am I
going to be sitting on a plane with the love of my life wrapping his arms
around me so I can rest? When am I going to figure out where I want to be with
my life?
Right now, I’m
single, fat, anxious, weed deprived, sleep deprived, sex deprived and love
deprived.
They say honesty
is the best policy well I consider myself to be very honest not to myself but
to the people around me. Do I really need to be honest with myself in order to
be honest with other people or can I live my life pleasing other people and
always putting myself last?
We’re about
twenty minutes from landing and I feel some form of relief after venting my
life away to a keyboard it is now time to say goodbye as I land to the place
everyone comes to vacation and I’m blessed enough to call it home.
Oh and before I
forget I was completely incorrect with my assumptions of what we were flying
over. It was the Bahamas. LOL at me! Hasta Luego!
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