My Obsession's

Let me start of by saying how glad I am to finally be home, I’m finally finished packing. I’m not going to lie and say that I spent my entire day unpacking when I just did it half assed twenty minutes ago. I actually spent my entire day apartment hunting with my best friend Jazzlyn. She’s the only friend I have that moves around a lot well not a lot but whenever she has too. We got lost looking for a place and ended up in some dump that she was even shocked to be looking at. Thankfully it was our fault for writing the address wrong. Gladly we didn’t go to many places because she liked the first one so much she put a deposit down for it. I was supposed to spend my day unpacking and washing my car with Angela but we ended up busting a mission with our best friend/sister to get her ready to move into a new place. We also took a quick trip to IKEA to look at some potential furniture for Mason, her son and my godson a little four-year-old nugget who is way passed his age. While in IKEA I feel in love with a cushion headboard. If it weren’t for the fact that I haven’t had my current furniture for just about a year I would’ve totally changed my room.

While enjoying a butterscotch cookie (which was totally amazing) I came up with a great idea for my lovely beginner blog. Once a month I will post a few things that I’m currently obsessed with; these things can vary from an article of clothing to skin care products. I think this is a great idea so that other people can learn about what other people in the world are obsessing over.

Here’s my list for the month of June.

Trader Joe’s Nourish Spa Shampoo, Conditioner and Refresh Body Wash:

-     -These products are totally awesome like almost all things that come from Trader Joes. The shampoo and conditioner contain Argan Oil to make your hair smooth and shine they are also enriched with Botanicals and do NOT contain sulfates. The Refresh Body Wash is a great aroma-therapeutic blend of orange and grapefruit that can energize you and prepare you for the day ahead. None of these products are tested on animals.

Evian Brumisateur Facial Spray:

-     -This product was heaven on my recent vacation. It’s so hot in Puerto Rico that with just one spritz of this on my face I can literally feel myself being hydrated. I recommend this product to anyone who isn’t a big fan of the heat or starts to sweat easily.

Nivea Milk and Honey Lip Balm:

-     -By far the best lip balm EVER! Leaves my lips baby bum soft.

Try these products out of you haven’t yet! Totally worth it! Please let me know some feedback on your experiences with them. 

Typing from the Sky.

Coming to you above the Atlantic Ocean, this vacation has been a rollercoaster ride of emotions for me. I’m not sure if it’s all this time without smoking pot or just myself going a little crazy. I sometimes ask myself if I am in fact crazy or if there are other people who have the same inner struggles as I do. You see, I’m not one to express my emotions sure ill get mad and say something’s I really don’t mean but do I really express how I feel? Never. I was separated from my group because we literally boarded the plane at the last minute. I feel like this is the first time I’ve been away from them even though we’re all on the same flight. Southwest airlines has a very weird system; They don’t assign seats so its basically first come first serve which to me is like all the animals being let out of their cages at the zoo and headed for the exit. I have my eyes on one of the flight attendants he’s pretty hot! If this plane were a little bigger I would love for him to join me in the restroom (wink wink).

I’m extremely bedsick, I miss my big comfy bed. I miss my friends and shockingly enough I miss my father and brother.  My brother Nikolas is furious that we left on this trip without him but there was no way that pain in the ass was going to ruin my first vacation in about five years.

I’m sitting on a window seat although I’m terrified to look outside. I believe I can see Cuba to my left but I’m not quite sure it could be the Dominican Republic, or Haiti.

I really just want to make it to Miami already, because I know that when I get there Ricky will be waiting for us with a blunt or two rolled and happy thoughts. Ricky is such a happy person, I don’t know if it’s all a front like mine but it’s refreshing to have a friend who’s literally happy almost all the time.

As I take a look around I cant help but notice all the different kinds of people surrounding me. There are two young ladies sitting next to me both dressed as if they’re ready to party it up in Miami. Next to them two gay men one is resting his head on his partners shoulder. In front of me is the woman who was about to get slapped by me at the TSA line she was so annoying asking everyone around her to complain about the slow service. She was correct though the TSA people at San Juan Airport are slower than a turtle without legs. One of the agents was kind enough to ask his superior if he could open his section up to speed up the process but nothing happened. I did notice through the glass doors that he was literally looking at the line laughing. Whoever you are I hope someone sticks laxatives in your coffee before getting on a plane, jackass.

Now lets rewind a little, I keep on glancing over at the gay couple and all I can think to myself is how much I want what they have. I want to rest my head on my partner’s shoulders or have him rest his head on mine. I want a big love like the movies, I want a dramatic love story but this isn’t a movie this is reality and in reality I’m single as fuck.  Sometimes I try to picture how my life is going to end up in twenty years. Will I find my big love or will I be a single hag with two thousand cats? Another glance over at the couple I keep admiring. The one who was resting his head now changed positions to wrap his arm around his big love. I know I’m still young I have years to find happiness but who can really hear that without thinking when? When is all of this going to take place? When am I going to be sitting on a plane with the love of my life wrapping his arms around me so I can rest? When am I going to figure out where I want to be with my life?

Right now, I’m single, fat, anxious, weed deprived, sleep deprived, sex deprived and love deprived.

They say honesty is the best policy well I consider myself to be very honest not to myself but to the people around me. Do I really need to be honest with myself in order to be honest with other people or can I live my life pleasing other people and always putting myself last?

We’re about twenty minutes from landing and I feel some form of relief after venting my life away to a keyboard it is now time to say goodbye as I land to the place everyone comes to vacation and I’m blessed enough to call it home.

Oh and before I forget I was completely incorrect with my assumptions of what we were flying over. It was the Bahamas. LOL at me! Hasta Luego!

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

It is 11:47 p.m. literally hours after my first post and my goals and everything I wrote about (well at least the majority of it) flew out the window in a matter of minutes all it took was a phone call to drive me to the nearest gas station for a pack of cigarettes, one phone call to throw all my words of thinking positively down the drain.  A phone call from my best friend in tears, I’m not going to get into the details of the phone call because that’s a personal matter but it was severe enough to get me to smoke two cigarettes back to back making so lightheaded that I could barely stand let alone walk.  I’m now sitting on the floor on the balcony where I’m staying and all I want to do is find some sort of way to go home.  To be with my friend because she needs her friends.  I spoke of being a more polite person and now all my head is flowing with is ways to make a person suffer, suffer what they have had coming to them for years.  Suffer the way they’ve made others suffer.  Unfortunately I know everything I’m thinking is wrong but I don’t see it that way, I can’t see it that way.  Most people are too kind hearted to ever think about getting revenge or giving someone what they deserve but not me.  All it took was a two-minute phone call to make all the things I wanted to fix make a complete 360.  It’s almost midnight, which would make it Monday; Ill be home Tuesday morning. I don’t know if I’ll still have all these things flowing in my mind or if ill go back to trying to better my life. All I know is that right now I cant control what goes on inside my head. I don’t know if ill wake up tomorrow with a clear head. I don’t know why people who deserve the world end up with crap while the people who deserve to be homeless sit on a throne. Life has a funny way of working sometimes it seems that whenever things seem to be headed in the right direction life has to throw a rock in your path. Although what my friend is going through really has nothing to do with me It’s just a sign that all that I wanted this morning isn’t going to be as easy as I thought because again all it took was a two-minute phone call and all I wanted to be was “that bitch” I wish I had all the riches in the world so I can charter a jet to take me home but I cant do that all I have are my worries from miles away and my wicked mind running free with plots to ruin another person. I’m a bit emotional right now and I’m just rambling on at this point. I just want to end this post with a question. Why do the good people have to suffer while the bad guys live happily?

Greetings from Sunny Puerto Rico

Greetings from the lovely island of Puerto Rico!  The sun is beaming through the curtains of the sixteenth floor apartment we rented for the week, there’s no central air-conditioning anywhere on the island so it’s cold in one half of the apartment and the other half has fans circling the area.  The view from the balcony is an extraordinary panoramic view of the ocean.  It’s 7:57 a.m. on my fifth day here with two more to go and as everyone else is getting ready to go have breakfast; I needed to step out for a few to type out how I feel.

I feel like this vacation was more of a life changing experience for myself. There are several things that I literally had to step out of the box I lock myself in to realize that something’s in my life need to change.

First things first, I need to get on a diet. I have no idea how much I weight because I basically run passed any scale I see like any human being chased by a lion.  I don’t need to get on a diet so I can get skinny but just to better my health all together. I don’t want to go to the doctor one day and have him tell me that I’m sixty pounds overweight (Hispanic exaggeration), with high cholesterol, pre-diabetic, etc.  I want to live a healthy life; I’m too young to have health issues.  I want to have any health issues later on in life. My goal for when I get back home is to completely change my eating habits. Quitting smoking was on the top of the list, which I started yesterday when I ran out of cigarettes. I’m going to see if that could be the last pack of cigarettes I ever purchased maybe I’ll frame the pack or something. 

On a completely different topic but still something I realized as I stepped out of my box. I need to change my attitude and the way I speak to people.  My words don’t offend most of my friends because they know the playfulness that comes behind it but sometimes I can be too harsh.  I just feel that most people take life too seriously and need to see it all as a giant game.  An amazing song I heard a few years back compared earth to a balloon basically saying that we’re on a big balloon floating in space. I think a lot of people need to see life in that perspective too so that they don’t take things to personally and learn that not everyone in the world is out to get them but not everyone is like myself and people do get hurt by some of the things I say. I’m going to try it out and see if I can actually be nice to people and look passed the idiocracy I see every second of the day. Maybe with improving my health I can improve my emotions/attitude.  I think I need to start acting more like my mother; I know she holds back on the things she really wants to say just so she doesn’t offend someone or start more problems. I need to learn how to swallow my words and just say ok with a big smile on my face.  That way people don’t call me “that bitch.”

Finally, I need to devote more time to my family. I live for my friend and there’s nothing wrong with that because they know more about me than the people I live with but I also need to maintain a healthy relationship with the people who raised me. Sometimes I feel like they don’t know how much I really love them, which totally sucks.  I don’t want to hurt my parents; I really try to help them most of the time they just don’t want to listen to my ideas. My intentions are never for a malice reason I know my words may come out harsh but it’s not to be perceived like that.

I’m going to create this blog with the intentions of keeping up with it. Maybe the fact that I’m paying for it will keep me motivated. I hope someone’s out there reading this, I hope someone will correct all my grammar errors, I hope someone understands…